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Laugh … or abstain? How Edinburgh’s comics are straddling the political divide

Laugh … or abstain? How Edinburgh’s comics are straddling the political divide

While some fringe shows are tackling the subject head on, other performers think this is a year to stay off current affairs

“How many of you here voted Leave?” wondered the Scottish comedian Mark Nelson of the crowd watching his new Edinburgh fringe show, Brexit Wounds. It is dangerous territory and only one man in the audience tentatively raised a hand. “So, are you happy now?” Nelson asked caustically.

This year’s month-long festival is set to play out against a fast-changing political backdrop in Westminster and Holyrood, and many of the topical standup acts that dominate the fringe will struggle to keep up.

Alongside Nelson, who professes bewilderment about how “the worst qualified man ever” has suddenly become prime minister, the award-winning political comic Matt Forde has brought up his show, Brexit, Pursued by a Bear, while for the first time the radio broadcaster Iain Dale will be hosting a succession of evenings with guests including Nicola Sturgeon, the Scottish first minister, the Liberal leader Jo Swinson and Sadiq Khan, mayor of London.

The speaker of the House of Commons, John Bercow, is to appear in a show called Speaking Out; Al Murray’s pub landlord will be parodying the nostalgic urge to recreate an imagined country of the past; while the standup Phil Nichol is promising to give in to despair in his show Too Much.

Leading impressionists Ronni Ancona and Lewis MacLeod have opted to tackle Melania and Donald Trump in their new show, Just Checking In, but inside many of the pop-up venues that fan out around the city’s Royal Mile during the festival the strain of reacting quickly to Britain’s divisive leadership contest is almost audible. Kieran Hodgson: ‘It seems as if the recent history of comics making joke after joke about Farage may actually have helped him.’ Photograph: Matt Stronge

At a gala opening for the Assembly group of venues, the fringe impresario William Burdett-Coutts spoke of the need for the official arts festival and the fringe to project an image of Britain as a welcoming place in the face of anti-immigrant feeling. “At a time like this, that is a particularly important message,” he said.

But should an arts festival really have a political position? Even leftwing performers in Edinburgh seem unsure what the best response to current affairs should be. Some feel that making Brexit party leader Nigel Farage, Jacob Rees-Mogg, the Tory MP, and Boris Johnson into figures of fun has backfired.

For Kieran Hodgson, who will be bringing his series of acclaimed one-man shows to the fringe, including one about the roots of Brexit in 1970s politics, it is a potentially perilous path. “I am not sure how effective it is. It seems as if the recent history of comics making joke after joke about Farage may actually have helped him to get across the idea that the whole of the British establishment was against him,” said Hodgson.

“It don’t feel it would be genuine for me to put out a more passionate personal line on my own politics because I’d be thinking all the while to myself that I was probably wrong. That’s just my nature, so rather than fight it, I try to embrace the whole European question and say things that I can actually back up. At the same time I certainly don’t want to make light of things that are happening.”

Other young performers at the festival have deliberately made the choice to “stay silly”, in spite of their political feelings. “We don’t want to audiences to have to rock back and forth worrying about what is happening,” said Marina Bye, who co-stars with her sister Maddy in the Underbelly sketch show they have written together, The Siblinging.

“We have our opinions, of course, and we don’t want to seem as if we don’t care, but we see ourselves as offering a little bit of an escape and ease. At least, that is what we have deliberately set out to do.”

And the Bye sisters have reason to understand how powerful comedy can be when used as a tool for changing perceptions. Their mother is Ruby Wax, whose television interviews with Imelda Marcos and Sarah Ferguson did much to shape the image of these controversial public figures in the 1990s.

“We might well wonder why we’re going to a comedy festival while all this is happening in the world,” said elder sister Maddy. “But there are already a lot of Trump shows and Brexit musicals, and we have made a conscious decision not to write about it. Although it’s true that whenever there is a party, or we go for drinks at someone’s house, everyone ends up talking about politics now. It is sort of amazing that’s happened. You can see the interest in the number of shows up here about it all.” Comedy act Siblings, Maddy and Marina Bye, offer ‘a little bit of escape’.

Comedy act Siblings, Maddy and Marina Bye, offer ‘a little bit of escape’. Photograph: Lily Bertrand-Webb

Another child of a famous parent who is taking a stand against political content this year is fringe debutante Grace Campbell, whose father, Alastair, was Tony Blair’s communications adviser. She is performing her show Why I’m Never Going into Politics throughout the month, in which she explains that growing up with a dad inside No 10 has given her a basinful of it.

Early this summer the Private Eye editor Ian Hislop, a regular panellist on the BBC satirical quiz show Have I Got News for You, pushed back at the suggestion the programme was to blame for Johnson’s rise because it had welcomed him as a guest. “You voted for him!” Hislop said to the studio audience. Last week Hislop proved his satirical muscles are still flexing in a column in the New Statesman that called on Britain’s comedians to be more optimistic about prospects for mirth in a Johnson era, aping the prime minister’s own bouncy anti-doom rhetoric.

“Hislop is great because he doesn’t accept received ideas and he hates a consensus,” said Hodgson. “But a lot of my audience will be Remainers, and I still want them to question or develop their ideas. Or at least to see everything is always muddy.” He suspects he is too “desperate to be liked” to write an overtly political show. “I want it to be a happy place for people. Also, I take a long time to write, and to be topical you would have to change your show on an afternoon’s notice.”

And if that sole Brexiter in Nelson’s audience was anything to go by, the truth is deceptive. Caricatured by the comic during the show as a hypocrite who had just returned from sunbathing at his second home in Spain, the Leave voter protested afterwards that his was in fact a “farmer’s tan”.

 

more here - https://www.theguardian.com/stage/2019/aug/03/edinburgh-fringe-festival-brexit-politics-standup-comedy-divided

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Truth behind the ‘Kennedy curse’ as Saoirse becomes 13th member of ‘America’s Royal family’ to die in assassinations, plane crashes and drug ODs – The Sun

Truth behind the ‘Kennedy curse’ as Saoirse becomes 13th member of ‘America’s Royal family’ to die in assassinations, plane crashes and drug ODs – The Sun

THE once powerful Kennedy family was the closest thing America ever had to its own Royal Family.

However, it is a clan that was dogged by death long before JFK was infamously gunned down on the streets of Dallas.

 

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Tragic Saoirse Kennedy Hill, who died of a suspected drug overdose aged 22, became the 13th member of the Kennedy family to die in unnatural circumstances leading to claims of a curse

 

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The Kennedy family was the closest thing America ever had to having its very own Royal Family

Credit: Getty - Contributor

Robert F. Kennedy’s granddaughter Saoirse, 22, dies of ‘drug overdose’ at family’s Cape Cod compound

And  - following the "overdose death" of Saoirse Kennedy Hill  - the so-called family curse still appears to be casting a very dark shadow.

Most people know about the shocking assassinations of President Kennedy and his brother Robert in the 1960s.

However, the scandal-hit Kennedys have suffered a string of personal tragedies which some believe is down to more than just bad luck.

Now 13 members of the family and their spouses have died before their time - others outside the family have perished along the way.

Intertwined with the shocking death toll, the family has been rocked by rape and murder scandals, claims of drugs abuse and high society marriage break-ups.

Cancer has also played a role in the Kennedy family tragedies and in 1973, Ted Kennedy's 12-year-old son Edward Jr. lost a leg to bone cancer.

He later told CNN in 2009 he rejected the idea of a family curse.

"The Kennedy family has had to endure these things in a very open way. But our family is just like ... every other family in America in many ways," he said.

However, here are the key dates which some say add weight to the legend of the Kennedy Curse:

Joseph Kennedy Jnr was killed in a plane crash while serving with the US Navy in World War II

Joseph Patrick Kennedy Jr was killed in August 1944 during World War II - he was just 29 years old.

He was tragically died when his bomber aircraft exploded over Suffolk during the Second World War.

Kennedy had completed 25 combat missions and was eligible to return home but decided to fight on.

Joseph was posthumously awarded the Navy Cross, Air Medal, and Purple Heart Medal for his heroics.

He was the eldest of nine children born to Joseph P. Kennedy Sr. and Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy.

Kathleen, a daughter of Joseph and Rose, was also killed in a plane crash aged 28

Kathleen Kennedy died in a plane crash four years after her high-profile wedding to the Marquess of Hartington.

While working with the Red Cross, she began a romantic relationship with Lord Hartington, whom she married in May 1944.

Credit: Getty - Contributor

Mary Richardson Kennedy seen here with her husband Robert F. Kennedy Jr

Mary Richardson Kennedy, the estranged wife of Robert Kennedy Jr, died after reportedly hanging herself at home on May 16, 2012.

Her husband, Robert Kennedy Jr, a prominent environmental lawyer and the son of former senator Robert F Kennedy, had filed for a divorce two years earlier.

The two had married in 1994 and had four children together. The divorce case was still pending at the time of her death.

In the months after the couple's separation became public, Mary Kennedy was arrested twice by police officers who suspected her of driving while drunk.

Saoirse Kennedy Hill, 22, is the latest member of the clan to fall victim to the 'curse'

The most recent 'victim' of the so-called curse was Robert F. Kennedy’s granddaughter Saoirse who died from a suspected drug overdose at her family’s home in Cape Cod.

Saoirse Kennedy Hill, 22, is understood to have gone into cardiac arrest at the compound where her grandmother Ethel Kennedy, 91, lives.

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Tree surgeon, 24, unable to speak, eat or walk after part of skull removed following horror crash on his way to chippy

Tree surgeon, 24, unable to speak, eat or walk after part of skull removed following horror crash on his way to chippy

A TREE surgeon is unable to speak, eat or walk after part of his skull was removed in the wake of a horror crash.

Ryan Womack, 24, misjudged a bend and smashed into three parked cars, before ending up in a back garden in Manchester last October.

 

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Ryan has lost part of his skull and is now brain damaged after a horror crash last October

Ryan's loved ones have described him as a 'loveable' guy

He had just left his friends house and got takeaway from a local fish and chip shop in Manchester when disaster struck on October 6 at 11.25pm.

His mum Helen told Lancs Live: "We were told that he was touch and go. The police told us we had to go to the hospital because he might not make it.

"We arrived in Manchester and I remember the doctor telling us that: 'If we do this surgery he will never be Ryan again.'"

"I just told him to do what he had to do, I would do anything for him to live."

He sustained massive brain trauma known as TBI (traumatic brain injury) with a DAI (diffused axonal injury) which means the damage is all over his brain.

He was rushed to hospital and doctors performed a craniotomy procedure. This involves removing a section of his skull to stop the swelling on his brain.

'MISCHEVIOUS YET SO LOVEABLE'

But he is now living in a nursing home in West Lancashire, unable to fully recognise his mum.

"He recognises me as his mum I think, he sometimes holds my hand and plays with my hair but other times there is nothing there."

His loved ones have described him as a "loveable" guy with "a wicked sense of humour".

Recalling his best characteristics, they said on his fundraising page: "Ryan is a 24 year old lad, with a wicked sense of humour.

Recalling his best characteristics, they said on his fundraising page: "Ryan is a 24 year old lad, with a wicked sense of humour.

"He makes his friends laugh with his daft antics and silly Irish voices, he loved his life and lived it to the full.
"He has a younger brother Ben and sister Anna.
"He is a fully qualified tree surgeon with lots of experience. He was a Jack the lad,  always up to some mischief and is loved by all his family and friends. He is the type of person, who could go into the pub on his own and come out with new friends.  Mischievous yet so loveable."

He has suffered a number of infections since the big operation, and other bouts of illness because he still undergoes different procedures.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9646656/tree-surgeon-manchester-crash-skull-removed/

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Tree surgeon, 24, unable to speak, eat or walk after part of skull removed following horror crash on his way to chippy

Tree surgeon, 24, unable to speak, eat or walk after part of skull removed following horror crash on his way to chippy

A TREE surgeon is unable to speak, eat or walk after part of his skull was removed in the wake of a horror crash.

Ryan Womack, 24, misjudged a bend and smashed into three parked cars, before ending up in a back garden in Manchester last October.

 

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Ryan has lost part of his skull and is now brain damaged after a horror crash last October

Ryan's loved ones have described him as a 'loveable' guy

He had just left his friends house and got takeaway from a local fish and chip shop in Manchester when disaster struck on October 6 at 11.25pm.

His mum Helen told Lancs Live: "We were told that he was touch and go. The police told us we had to go to the hospital because he might not make it.

"We arrived in Manchester and I remember the doctor telling us that: 'If we do this surgery he will never be Ryan again.'"

"I just told him to do what he had to do, I would do anything for him to live."

He sustained massive brain trauma known as TBI (traumatic brain injury) with a DAI (diffused axonal injury) which means the damage is all over his brain.

He was rushed to hospital and doctors performed a craniotomy procedure. This involves removing a section of his skull to stop the swelling on his brain.

'MISCHEVIOUS YET SO LOVEABLE'

But he is now living in a nursing home in West Lancashire, unable to fully recognise his mum.

"He recognises me as his mum I think, he sometimes holds my hand and plays with my hair but other times there is nothing there."

His loved ones have described him as a "loveable" guy with "a wicked sense of humour".

Recalling his best characteristics, they said on his fundraising page: "Ryan is a 24 year old lad, with a wicked sense of humour.

Recalling his best characteristics, they said on his fundraising page: "Ryan is a 24 year old lad, with a wicked sense of humour.

"He makes his friends laugh with his daft antics and silly Irish voices, he loved his life and lived it to the full.
"He has a younger brother Ben and sister Anna.
"He is a fully qualified tree surgeon with lots of experience. He was a Jack the lad,  always up to some mischief and is loved by all his family and friends. He is the type of person, who could go into the pub on his own and come out with new friends.  Mischievous yet so loveable."

He has suffered a number of infections since the big operation, and other bouts of illness because he still undergoes different procedures.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9646656/tree-surgeon-manchester-crash-skull-removed/

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Mum and young son battling brain tumour forced to live in a dangerous, rat-infested building as council refuses to move them – The Sun

Mum and young son battling brain tumour forced to live in a dangerous, rat-infested building as council refuses to move them – The Sun

A BRAVE mum and her three-year-old son — who is suffering from a brain tumour — are being forced to live in a rat- infested building because the council refuses to rehome her.
Georgina Collins had to give up her job teaching maths to care for Oliver and this is the only property she could find that would accept her housing benefit.

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Georgina Collins and her three-year-old son Oliver are forced to live in a rat-infested building as the council won't rehome them
Her lad was diagnosed with a brain tumour 18 months ago and undergoes chemotherapy every week.
He has prolonged periods when he can’t fight infections — making these vermin close by a grave threat.
But, despite her pleas, and a letter from the oncology team at London’s Great Ormond Street Hospital saying “urgent and suitable housing” was needed for Oliver, Richmond council in South-West London has not rehomed her.
Last night, politicians from both sides waded in to the row, with London Mayor Sadiq Khan calling her plight “totally unacceptable”.
Georgina, 28, says: “This one-bedroom flat is the only place I could find where the landlord would accept housing benefit.
“I am a single mother with a sick son and this is my only option.
“If he were to come in to contact with a rat, it could be fatal. We need help.
“If he were to come in to contact with a rat, it could be fatal. We need help.
“I started noticing droppings everywhere in October 2017. I told my landlord and pest control. They put traps and poison everywhere.
“In the boiler cupboard, I ended up catching what I thought was a mouse but pest control said it was a rat, due to the length of its tail.
If he were to come in to contact with a rat, it could be fatal. We need help.
Georgina Collins
“Christmas was dreadful. If I opened the door to the communal bin area, which is situated to the left of Oliver’s bedroom, there would be rats everywhere. Nobody should have rats where they live.
“I’ve got letters from medical professionals saying this property is not suitable for Oliver because of the high risk it potentially poses.
“I’ve given these letters to the council and nothing has changed. It makes me angry. I can’t sleep. My son is under-going chemotherapy to treat a brain tumour. I shouldn’t have to worry about rats.”
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Bloody mass shooting sees ‘multiple gunmen slaughter 20 and injure dozens with AK47s’ at Texas Walmart

Bloody mass shooting sees ‘multiple gunmen slaughter 20 and injure dozens with AK47s’ at Texas Walmart

AT least 20 people have been slaughtered in a bloody mass shooting at a Texas supermarket, it has been reported.

It is understood one gunman is in custody as cops are combing the Walmart and Cielo Vista Mall in El Paso after reports of multiple gunmen mowing down shoppers.

 

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One person shared an image of them hiding under the table at the mall

 

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This is the terrifying moment people ran out of the Cielo Vista Mall with their hands up after reports of an active shooter

 

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Shoppers exit with their hands up after a mass shooting in Texas

Shoppers fled the Walmart after reports of a mass shooter opening fire

There are conflicting reports about the number of shooters, the weapon or weapons used and the exact figure of fatalities and injuries.

Texas Lt. Governor Dan Patrick told Fox News as many as 20 people are dead and that a 21-year-old man is in custody in connection with the shooting.

Initial reports suggest the weapon is an AK 47-style gun, but others indicate it could be a rifle.

KFOX14 have reported that police said 10 are dead and at least 30 are injured and said Homeland Security has been called in.

Witnesses said a shooter opened fire with a "rifle" or some other "semi-automatic" type weapon, KTSM 9 News reported.

El Paso Police spokesman Enrique Carillo told reporters that one man is in custody and confirmed there are multiple fatalities.

 

Witnesses said a shooter opened fire with a "rifle" or some other "semi-automatic" type weapon, KTSM 9 News reported.

El Paso Police spokesman Enrique Carillo told reporters that one man is in custody and confirmed there are multiple fatalities.

Police have not confirmed the identity of the shooter or if they are looking for a second gunman - but have said the situation is "fluid".

Graphic images show bodies on the floor covered in blood in the car park of the Walmart and inside the superstore.

A distressing video circulating on social media shows what appears to be victims laying motionless next to a fundraising table outside the front doors of Walmart.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9648132/active-shooter-ak47-texas-walmart/

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After rescuing one pastor, Ogun Police rescue the other four RCCG kidnap victims

After rescuing one pastor, Ogun Police rescue the other four RCCG kidnap victims

The Ogun State Police Command said it has rescued four other victims abducted on Thursday around J3 forest on Ogbere road, in Ijebu-East Local Government Area of the state.

One of the victims, Mrs. Ibelegbo Chidimma was rescued earlier on Saturday

The Police Public Relations Officer in the state, DSP Abimbola Oyeyemi disclosed the rescue effort in a terse statement.

He said, “The remaining four victims have been rescued unhurt by men of Ogun State police command.”

Oyeyemi had earlier said, “Efforts are on top gear to rescue the remaining victims, as the kidnappers who kept them in separate locations were changing their locations from time to time within the forest.”

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EFCC Arrest Banker, Ayuba Yakubu For Defrauding Clients Of N35million in Kano

EFCC Arrest Banker, Ayuba Yakubu For Defrauding Clients Of N35million in Kano


Operatives of the Kano Zonal Office of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, EFCC have arrested one Ayuba Yakubu, a banker with one of the new generation banks, for cheating and criminal diversion of depositors' fund to the tune of about N35million.

The suspect being an account officer to the complainants was entrusted with millions of naira belonging to customers of Fidelity Bank, Kofar Ruwa branch in Kano.
Preliminary investigations, however, revealed that he employed fraudulent means to divert the money to his personal use.



He will soon be charged to court.

Operatives of the Kano Zonal Office of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, EFCC have arrested one Ayuba Yakubu, a banker with one of the new generation banks, for cheating and criminal diversion of depositors' fund to the tune of about N35million.The suspect being an account officer to the complainants was entrusted with millions of naira belonging to customers of Fidelity Bank, Kofar Ruwa branch in Kano.Preliminary investigations, however, revealed that he employed fraudulent means to divert the money to his personal use.He will soon be charged to court.

I have been reporting for several years now and I am very interested in visual news reportage with strong inclusion of photos and video multimedia.https://www.gistmania.com/talk/topic,395425.0.html

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Don’t Allow Your Daughter Go Into The Music Or Film Industry,Bcos It's Gateway To Prostitution –Edet

Don’t Allow Your Daughter Go Into The Music Or Film Industry,Bcos It's Gateway To Prostitution –Edet


Popular evangelist,Victor Edet who recently admonished gospel singer Tope Alabi, to desist from wearing attachments, earrings and makeup so that she can make heaven, has taken to social media to warn parents, not to allow their children go into music or film industry.

According to him, if you encourage your daughters to go into the movie or music industry, it’s means you are encouraging them to go into prostitution…

“PARENT, do not allow your children to go into the Music or Movie industry. If you encourage your daughters to go into the Movie or Music industry, it’s means you are encouraging them to go into prostitution. Come to think of this, an actor will act 50 movies, yet he can’t afford to buy a bicycle, but an actress will act just ten movies and she’s already building Estate’s. 85 percent of those girls are into prostitution.” He said.

Popular evangelist,Victor Edet who recently admonished gospel singer Tope Alabi, to desist from wearing attachments, earrings and makeup so that she can make heaven, has taken to social media to warn parents, not to allow their children go into music or film industry.According to him, if you encourage your daughters to go into the movie or music industry, it’s means you are encouraging them to go into prostitution…“PARENT, do not allow your children to go into the Music or Movie industry. If you encourage your daughters to go into the Movie or Music industry, it’s means you are encouraging them to go into prostitution. Come to think of this, an actor will act 50 movies, yet he can’t afford to buy a bicycle, but an actress will act just ten movies and she’s already building Estate’s. 85 percent of those girls are into prostitution.” He said.

 

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EFCC Arraigns Popular Yahoo Boy, Wealth Wilson In Port Harcourt (Photo)

EFCC Arraigns Popular Yahoo Boy, Wealth Wilson In Port Harcourt (Photo)


The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, EFCC, Port Harcourt’s Zonal Office, on Friday, August 2, 2019 arraigned one Wealth Wilson before Justice A.T Mohammed of the Federal High Court, sitting in Port Harcourt, Rivers State on a four-count charge bordering on impersonation and other internet-related offences contrary to Section 22 (3) (a) of the Cyber Crimes (Prohibition, Prevention, etc) Act, 2015 and punishable under Section 22 (4) of the same Act.

One of the charges reads: “That you Wealth Wilson (a.k.a) Carter Berry, Eric Parter Ham) sometime between 2018 and 2019 in Port Harcourt, Rivers State, within the jurisdiction of this honorable court did fraudulently impersonate one Carter Dan Baldwin with the intent to gain advantage for yourself and thereby committed an offence contrary to Section 22 (3) (a) of the Cyber Crimes (Prohibition, Prevention, etc) Act, 2015 and punishable under Section 22 (4) of the same Act.”

The defendant pleaded not guilty to the four-count charges when read to him.


In view of his plea, prosecution counsel, J.N. Dogoyaro prayed the court to fix a date for the commencement of trial and for the defendant to be remanded in prison custody. .

However, counsel to the defendant, J.C. Okere reminded the judge of the defendant’s bail application already before the court.

Justice Mohammed consequently granted the defendant bail in the sum of N1,000,000 (One Million Naira) and two reliable sureties in like sum.

One of the sureties must be a senior member of the defendant’s family while the other surety must be a civil servant not lower than Grade Level 13.

Wilson ran into trouble when the operatives of the Nigeria Police Force arrested him along Ozuoba by N.T.A Road, Port Harcourt, sometime in June, 2019 on alleged fraudulent activities, ranging from love and internet scams and other related offences. His arraignment followed the Commission’s investigations which established prima facie case of fraud against him.

The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, EFCC, Port Harcourt’s Zonal Office, on Friday, August 2, 2019 arraigned one Wealth Wilson before Justice A.T Mohammed of the Federal High Court, sitting in Port Harcourt, Rivers State on a four-count charge bordering on impersonation and other internet-related offences contrary to Section 22 (3) (a) of the Cyber Crimes (Prohibition, Prevention, etc) Act, 2015 and punishable under Section 22 (4) of the same Act.One of the charges reads:The defendant pleaded not guilty to the four-count charges when read to him.In view of his plea, prosecution counsel, J.N. Dogoyaro prayed the court to fix a date for the commencement of trial and for the defendant to be remanded in prison custody. .However, counsel to the defendant, J.C. Okere reminded the judge of the defendant’s bail application already before the court.Justice Mohammed consequently granted the defendant bail in the sum of N1,000,000 (One Million Naira) and two reliable sureties in like sum.One of the sureties must be a senior member of the defendant’s family while the other surety must be a civil servant not lower than Grade Level 13.Wilson ran into trouble when the operatives of the Nigeria Police Force arrested him along Ozuoba by N.T.A Road, Port Harcourt, sometime in June, 2019 on alleged fraudulent activities, ranging from love and internet scams and other related offences. His arraignment followed the Commission’s investigations which established prima facie case of fraud against him.

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Ikorodu Residents Chase Off SARS Officers Trying To Arrest A Guy They Accused Of Being A Yahoo Boy

Ikorodu Residents Chase Off SARS Officers Trying To Arrest A Guy They Accused Of Being A Yahoo Boy

03:31 PM, 3/08/2019 (5 hrs ago) xspraise at


Some Ikorodu residents stopped some operatives of the Special Anti-Robbery Squad (SARS) from arresting a young man in the neighborhood whom they accused of being an internet fraudster.

The SARS officers were reportedly in the Lagos community to arrest a young man they accused of being a yahoo boy.

They were however stopped and quickly drove out after residents of the area trooped out shouting ‘ole’ (thief).

Here is a video from the scene of the incident below;
 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLjCIOMZqUg

Some Ikorodu residents stopped some operatives of the Special Anti-Robbery Squad (SARS) from arresting a young man in the neighborhood whom they accused of being an internet fraudster.The SARS officers were reportedly in the Lagos community to arrest a young man they accused of being a yahoo boy.They were however stopped and quickly drove out after residents of the area trooped out shouting ‘ole’ (thief).Here is a video from the scene of the incident below;

https://www.gistmania.com/talk/topic,395453.0.html

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“You will die in poverty if my throwback picture doesn’t inspire you” – Bobrisky

“You will die in poverty if my throwback picture doesn’t inspire you” – Bobrisky

Cross-dresser, Bobrisky took to his Instagram page to share a throwback photo of himself on his page when he was still an ‘upcoming transgender’ and said the photo is meant to inspire people.

The transvestite says if the picture is not inspiring to someone, then that person will die in poverty – he went on to say that he went from a man to a multimillionaire woman and before he became who he is today, he made sure not to mix with broke people.

He wrote,

If dis picture didn’t inspire you then you will die in poverty . Nothing is impossible on earth. If you block your ears and never listen to people who hate you…. trust me you will achieve your dreams. From a man to a multimillionaire woman today. Before I change myself to who I am today…. I made up my mind never to mix with broke ass guys. I tried my best to miz among the rich men so they can pick me up. Nobody should give you fish…. tell them to pick u up and make you a great person. Lastly never be ashamed to tell people who you were before making it…..lots of dis slay queens on ig today are afraid to upload their past pictures. Love you all

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No, Jason Momoa Doesn’t Really Care About The ‘Dad Bod’ Criticism

No, Jason Momoa Doesn’t Really Care About The ‘Dad Bod’ Criticism

Earlier this month, Internet trolls — as noted by the digital tabloid outlet TMZ — drew attention to Aquaman and Game of Thrones actor Jason Momoa over remarks that he was “[letting] himself go” and gaining a so-called “dad bod.” At the time, comparisons were being made between a recently published paparazzi photo of the star’s beach body and shots of his more chiseled form from the sets of Justice League and his standalone feature film. When TMZ recently caught up with Momoa, however, they asked whether or not the apparent body shaming had offended him in any way. Unsurprisingly, it hadn’t.

“No,” Momoa told the cameraman that was doggedly following him through an airport. “Not at all.”

If anything, the 39-year-old performer leaned into the criticism when he said “anything Guinness is good” after being asked about his apparently having a Guinness-themed birthday cake. (Tomorrow, August 1st, will be Momoa’s 40th birthday.) “Aw, that’s alright,” he added while lovingly patting his belly.

So, let this be a lesson to the would-be body-shaming trolls who joked incessantly about the actor’s looks earlier this month: he doesn’t care about what you have to say. If anything, Momoa’s acceptance of his body’s ups and downs (depending on role requirements and birthdays) is a beacon of hope to the rest of us normals.

(Via TMZ)

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How to Build Backlinks

How to Build Backlinks

SEO is an important part of your business. No matter what your niche is, it will be hard to grow if people can’t find your site on search engines or through organic backlinks on other websites. What exactly are backlinks and why are organic ones important?

A backlink is any hyperlink that links from one webpage to another. An organic backlink is a link that is put on a page without the intention of influencing search engines. For example, if the link is sponsored, has tracking parameters, or redirects through monetization, Google’s algorithms will determine that your link isn’t organic.

Your goal should be to get as many organic links as possible because they are one of the factors that will make your website rank higher when someone searches for relevant keywords in a search engine.

So, where do you start?

Identify Your Competitors

There are many people who avoid visiting their competitors’ websites and reading the content those competitors publish. This is a mistake. Your competitors are targeting the same market as you, so it is likely that they are attracting similar people. You can get lots of inspiration by researching how they do things.

The first step in getting your own backlinks is to find out which of your competitors are getting the most backlinks. To get that information you will need to create a list of their websites. If you don’t know who your competitors are there is an easy way to find out. Put yourself in your customer’s shoes. Do a Google search with keywords you expect your customer would use when looking for a website that is in your niche. The tops results should belong to competitors who are nailing SEO optimization.

Now that you have a list of websites, it is time to run each of them through a backlink checker. Backlink checkers are useful web crawlers that will find backlinks for you. They will also give you information on how much traffic each of those backlinks generates and lots of other useful information. You will then have a much shorter list of competitors that should contain only those that have the most traffic and biggest number of backlinks.

Analyze Your Competitors Backlinks

Okay, you have determined which competitors are getting lots of backlinks. It is now time to find out what kinds of websites are putting up all those links to your competitors. This is where a good backlink tracker will be useful again. It will let you open each of the webpages that have a link to the competitor you are researching.

If your competitor has loads of backlinks, there will be thousands of websites in results. Don’t worry, you don’t have to research all of those websites in detail. Open a bunch of tabs and give each of them a quick glance. There will be a bunch of unrelated websites, but there should also be a few groups of websites in a similar niche. Those are the groups you are interested in.

When you do this for all the competitors you are researching, you will find out what sort of websites are likely to mention your business. Most likely there will be several different groups of such websites. For example, if you are selling gardening supplies, you might find websites of florists, chili pepper bloggers, agriculturists, and so forth, on that list. The next step to get your own backlinks is to find out what kind of content each group shares.

What Do They Share?

Even if you know who is interested in putting links to your type of business, that doesn’t mean they will link just anything you publish. You should now open the links that link to your competitors and check what type of content is being linked. Once again, you will get various results. There might be links to their webshops, blog posts, homepages, about sections, etc.

Once you find out what kind of content each of the groups is likely to share you should compare your website to those of your competitors. Find out what is different and if you lack something they have on their websites that can make you more successful.

If you find your website is lacking you should focus on fixing one part of the website at a time. Choose one type of content, based on the group you want to attract first. For example, if you noticed that florists are attracted to your competitor’s blog, and they are the group you want to attract the most, focus on improving your blog.

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Pinterest revenue jumps 62%, monthly active users reaches 300 million

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Pinterest has released its second earnings report since going public in April, generating $261 million in revenue during the second quarter of this year — up 62% year-over-year, and nearly $60 million more than it earned during the first quarter of 2019. Of the $261 million it earned, $238 million came from the U.S.

The site’s monthly active users (MAUs) were also up, seeing a 30% increase year-over-year.

Despite the revenue gains, Pinterest reported a net loss of $1.16 billion for the quarter, which it says was impacted by, “RSU [restricted stock unit] expense recorded in connection with our initial public offering.” The company expects to surpass $1 billion in revenue, according to its full-year outlook for 2019, reaching between $1.095 billion and $1.115 billion.

Pinterest’s international reach. Pinterest’s global MAUs reached 300 million during the second quarter of the year, nine million more than it reported during the first quarter of the year. The bulk of Pinterest’s MAUs are international users: 215 million global MAUs compared to 85 million in the U.S.

Pinterest CFO Todd Morgenfeld said the company remains encouraged by the growth it is seeing in international markets. According to Pinterest’s second quarter earnings release, it is continuing to focus on improving user experiences to drive more growth and engagement: “During the quarter, we made Pinterest more personal by improving search recommendations, and we also made Pinterest more useful by adding more video content and shoppable products.”

More opportunities for advertisers. Pinterest CEO Ben Silbermann said said the company is continuing to “grow and diversify” its advertiser base and improve ad measurement capabilities for brands on the platform.

“This is part of our larger and ongoing effort to create value for businesses on Pinterest,” said Silbermann. During the second quarter of 2019, Pinterest introduced mobile ad tools that let advertisers create and manage campaigns from their phone, and launched new video capabilities for brands, including an updated video uploader, scheduling capabilities and a dedicated video tab within business profiles.

Pinterest is also focusing its efforts on e-commerce initiatives. Shortly before going public, the company recruited the head of Walmart’s e-commerce tech team, Jeremy King, to lead engineering. It has since launched the “Complete the Look” visual search tool — a feature that recommends relevant products based on the context of a scene.

Why we should care. As a discovery platform, Pinterest provides a wide range of opportunities to showcase products. Now that it is fine-tuning its e-commerce capabilities, the image-heavy social network is aiming to attract more retail brands and pull more ad dollars.

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Outdated SaaS Sales Tactics and What You Should be Doing Instead

Outdated SaaS Sales Tactics and What You Should be Doing Instead

Software end users keep changing. This is especially true for the new end users. Their mindset and what tickles their ears and interests are not quite the same as those of past customers. We have the internet to thank for all types of information accessible to us at just one simple click. It has also allowed buyers to connect with their peers much faster which means that they can get their opinions about a product or service they are possibly interested in before they spend their money to buy it.

With this, we also need to understand that this is not the only change happening in the SaaS buying process. It is crucial that we also change our tactics and how to go about marketing and selling SaaS to customers. Meaning that there are certain sales methods that don’t work as effectively anymore and we have to adapt and upgrade our strategies as well.

Let us start by looking at what doesn’t work for SaaS anymore and what you can do to improve your software sales strategies.

 

#1 Inbound Reliant

If you take a good look at any great SaaS company, you will see that they all have good marketing systems. They have a big percentage of activities that focus on new business opportunities every single day, making sure that they are testing them and optimizing those activities.

The mistake here is that most of the time we focus too much on inbound marketing. It’s like being able to create a really cool product, but barely anyone gets to know about it. If we solely rely on inbound marketing, it’s less likely we’ll see revenue.

What to do?

The answer is very easy! In this case, we highly encourage that you consider that you go outbound. By using outbound lead generation strategies, it will make reaching prospects much easier. All your tools are readily available as well. Sales prospecting calls and email are essential outbound tools that you shouldn’t abandon. As for social media, LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter are powerful tools as well.

 

#2 Limited Trial

Every consumer has experienced this one too many times. You download software off of the internet that allows you to use its full capacity for a limited trial period, and most of the time the trial period os much shorter than the time you were able to fully maximize and explore all its features. It’s really frustrating on the consumer’s part. And what does that in return mean for you? Well, it drives another possible consumer away from your product. They will be hesitant towards buying your product because they weren’t able to fully explore all that it had to offer to begin with.

What to do?

In this case, it is wiser to get rid of the limited trial period and convert it into an unlimited one. Hear me out! We suggest that you have the premium features available for the user to enjoy and explore for a limited time. However, when the special feature’s time is over, it is better to still keep the trial available for the consumer to use. That way, possible clients won’t shy away from your product and have a little more time deciding on buying the full version of your software.

Another option is for you to tease them with key premium features that stay locked unless they buy the full version of your software. Once they realize that these specific features are important and useful to their tasks, they will easily decide to go for the full version instead. See? It’s a win-win situation for both parties.

 

#3 Overselling

Back in the days, you would have to yap about your product almost 24/7 in order to land a sale. Meetings had to be conducted in person, and because it was so time-consuming to drive or fly out to meet with a client, you would have to sell the heck out your product which leads to overselling and overpromising the capability of your product. If you oversell your software, you’ll lose customers quicker which will bring damage to your brand instead of revenues.

What to do?

Don’t hurt your brand. Overselling, fortunately, doesn’t work anymore nowadays. Again, thanks to the internet, you can speak to your clients more frequently now through various channels and FAQ’s to keep them in the loop and to be always ready to entertain their concerns. Say, you have a 28-56 sales cycle days, you won’t have to worry about gasping out all the details in one breath and you won’t have to overpromise to make sure they’ll ‘take the bait’. There is going to be a sense of frequency with your clients, so be honest, open, and in touch.

 

#4 Teamwork Wins. Always.

If you’re still struggling with keeping your sales up even after you’ve done all you can, then maybe it’s high time to change things. The days of having to sell all by yourself are gone. It is always better to go and seek out help than wasting time trying to figure out how you can do it on your own because, let’s face it, you can’t. No one can.

What to do?

We suggest that you seek out a sales coach or appoint a manager to put together a solid sales team. Leave the sales strategizing to them. This way it will boost and improve your sales performance and you can focus on other important aspects of your software business. If you still lack in manpower, then the best solution for you is to outsource a team of competent and professional salespeople who can aid you in this task. It is tested and proven that teamwork always wins.

Conclusion

So, now that we’ve talked about the different SaaS sales tactics that we should abandon or upgrade, sound off in the comments what other strategies should be a thing of the past and what could be their remedies.

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Freelance Writing Jobs, August 2, 2019

 

freelance writing jobs

Yay for Friday once again!

How did the week go for you? I hope you got a lot of work done and have a full plate for August.

Here is the last batch of freelance writing jobs this week. Good luck!

For more jobs that you can do from the comfort of your own home, visit Flexjobs. They have a rich selection of telecommute jobs, which is hand-picked and updated daily. To save up to 30%on membership fees, use code FWJPROMO.

Freelance Writing Jobs

Content Writing Jobs

Blogging Jobs

Copywriting Jobs

Proofreading/Editing Jobs

Journalism Jobs

Technical Writing Jobs

Sports Writing Jobs

General/Misc. Freelance Writing Jobs

Internships

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Exclusive: Manchester United complete Harry Maguire transfer from Leicester for £85million

Exclusive: Manchester United complete Harry Maguire transfer from Leicester for £85million

The long-running Harry Maguire transfer saga finally came to an end on Friday morning when Leicester City accepted an £85 million offer from Manchester United that makes the England international the most expensive defender in history.

The King Power club had refused to budge on their valuation of the player and the deal was only signed off by chairman Aiyawatt Srivaddhanaprabha, known as "Top", when Leicester director of football Jon Rudkin was told by United that they would be meet the original valuation which could reach £90 million with add-ons.

At that point it became simply too good a price for Leicester to turn down and the club felt that it was right that Maguire, who has handled an awkward situation well, should be allowed to leave. There was no question of Leicester accepting any less than their original figure and they were confident that the player would have stayed and played his part this season had United walked away from the deal.

It seals a remarkable transformation in the career of the 26-year-old Maguire, who joined Hull City from Sheffield United for £2.5 million almost five years ago to the day. Then, struggling to make the Hull team, he was sent on loan at Wigan Athletic in February 2015. He only became a first team regular at Hull under Mike Phelan at the start of the club’s 2016-2017 season that ended with relegation from the Premier League – and he will work with Phelan again at Old Trafford.

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Myths About Women & What They Want

Myths About Women & What They Want

5 Things Most Guys Don’t Understand About Ladies and Their Needs

 

For as long as men have been trying to enter into unions with women — marriages, relationships, flings, one-night stands — the question of what women want has been germane. 

It’s also been something of a mystery. 

Despite several consecutive decades’ worth of shake-ups in how gender is seen, portrayed and understood, the conception of what modern women want that many guys still embrace is pretty outdated (if it was ever grounded in reality in the first place). 

“What it comes to what women want, many single guys are looking through a warped lens,” says dating coach Connell Barrett. “Everything from the media to modern myths to friends’ opinions conspire to implant a fictional story in men’s minds — that women only want rich guys or great-looking guys with six-pack abs. Sure, good looks and money are nice bonuses, but men put far too much weight on them. And when a given guy lacks those qualities, his confidence plummets — often along with his dating results.”

Why do so many men latch onto these ideas when they actually end up hurting them in the end? One reason could be that it’s easier to imagine women seeking out a series of concrete and identifiable end-goals — even if they don’t line up with your own personal characteristics — rather than admit that desire is kind of jumbled and confusing.

“We want to simplify and break information down into soundbites,” says Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., host of the “@SexWithDrJess” podcast. “I’ve worked with some of the most (financially) successful experts in the world who make sweeping statements about what women/men want and many of them are rooted in sexist assumptions and oversimplification of evolutionary theories. Popular culture portrayals reinforce these myths, and it may be because the majority of decision makers at television and movie networks are still straight, white men. This offers are narrow view and leaves out the perspective of well over half the population.”

So what are these myths, exactly? These experts, as well as several ordinary women, gave their input regarding what they feel are five pervasive misunderstandings of what women want. 

Myth No. 1: Women Want Rich Guys 

“Female primary breadwinners aren’t necessarily ball busters, and men can be masculine without making more money than their female partner. I feel like the implication when I tell people I’m financially supporting my partner is that I’m somehow being taken advantage of. No one seems to consider it might not only be a fully rational choice, but also something I do happily.” - Wendy, 29

Rich guys can do lots of things less well-off guys can’t. Fancy restaurant? Check. Dream getaway? Check. Dozens of roses? Check. 

But money in the bank doesn’t mean you’re a good person, and as women are increasingly making gains when it comes to financial self-sufficiency, the idea of having a guy look after them financially is looking less and less necessary these days. 

“Men over-value three key things: how good-looking they have to be, how much money they need to have and how interesting their words must be,” says Barrett. “This crushes a guy’s confidence because he feels unworthy compared to some idealized, George Clooney-esque man that he thinks women want.”

Not being a debonair silver fox multi-millionaire is the reality for almost every man on earth (and it’s one that women are keenly aware of, too). Most guys have enough money to treat a date or partner here and there, but not enough to casually throw away. Meaning, the average woman is very much used to this, and the idea that rich guys are somehow every woman’s dream? Yep, blown way out of proportion.

Not to mention, many guys overlook that what’s actually desirable isn’t wealth, it’s generosity. All the money in the world is meaningless in a relationship if you’re not spending some of it on a partner. Similarly, just because you’re poor doesn’t mean you can’t find ways to make someone feel special. 

Myth No. 2: Women Want Strong Guys 

“Wanting to date a feminist is not synonymous with wanting someone who never does romantic or nice things for you; beards are not the be-all, end-all of attractive physical attributes, and being a teammate is more important than fighting a woman's battles for her.” - Jessica, 27

So much of being a man is about being strong, whether physically or emotionally. But rather than developing actual strength, often the focus is about simply not seeming weak, leaving many guys terrified of seeming vulnerable or incapable.

But that’s far from the truth. “Strength is attractive,” says O’Reilly. “[But] vulnerability is attractive too — especially in the long run.” 

The idea that women only want strong guys who never cry or admit insecurity “is a stereotype reinforced by both men and women and it’s to everyone’s detriment,” she adds. “If you can’t open up about the range of human emotion (happiness and sadness, confidence and fear, self-assuredness and insecurity, power and jealousy), you can’t effectively manage these emotions and you’re likely to end up hurting yourself and others.”

Rather than only heading to the gym to pump iron, becoming comfortable with your limitations, your fears and your setbacks can be the real way to many women’s hearts.

Consider therapy (by yourself or with a partner), or open up to your friends and family about the things in your life you’re not strong enough to do. Rather than pursuing a narrow, inflexible idea of strength, become someone who knows — and is comfortable — with who he really is.

Myth No. 3: Women Want Asshole Guys 

“The bad-boy complex, aka a cover-up for being emotionally unavailable, is toxic for both women and men. I really don’t think most women want someone who can’t communicate and is emotionally closed off.” - Elsa, 27

Every guy fresh off a rejection seems to fall on the old, unrealistic crutch that women prefer bad boys to nice guys; the asshole on the motorcycle can swoop in and run off with your dream girl just by virtue of his don’t-give-a-f*ck attitude. 

Barrett blames the early-2000s popularity of “pick-up artist” culture for the continuing relevance of this strain of thought today. 

“Many men think women want jerks and ‘bad boys,’” he says. “Blame the book ‘The Game,’ and the subsequent rise of the pickup-artist community. A lot of so-called experts in the ‘PUA’ community feed a myth that men must be polarizing, cocky alpha males who have to tear a woman’s self-esteem down in order to succeed. But the truth is, women hate jerks and love nice guys. As a ‘Maxim’ model once told me, ‘Nice guys are sexier than 6-pack abs.’”

Being a class act can certainly go a long way. According to O’Reilly, there’s “a rich body of research suggests that kindness is the key to lasting, happy relationships.” 

“A comprehensive study of 2,500 couples over 20 years found that conscientiousness and emotional stability (low levels of neuroticism) are far stronger predictors of relationship satisfaction than likemindedness or having similar personalities,” she says.

That doesn’t mean being a milquetoast doormat is the way to dating success, but that being cruel, callous or unkind is decidedly not. 

Myth No. 4: Women Want Handsome Guys 

“A lot of myths about physical attractiveness to women are wildly off the mark. So many women I know date men they’re actively attracted to (i.e. not just settling for) — men who are short, hairy, not-ripped, ‘effeminate,’ and somehow whenever this comes up, so many straight men in my immediate circle are genuinely shocked.” - Emma, 29

Incel culture alleges that women are incredibly shallow creatures who will only date model-type hunks, and that a difference of a few millimeters in a man’s facial bone structure can be the difference between a guy who can’t get laid to save his life, and a guy who can’t stop getting laid. 

But the stereotype for straight couples is so often that it’s the woman who’s out of the guy’s league — think of viral tweets like this one. Or consider how often people come up with reasons for a woman to date an ugly, unstylish man: his money, his sense of humor or his dick size. Yet there’s no real female equivalent. 

“Men are very visual, in terms of attraction,” he says. “Because looks matter to us guys, we assume looks matter just as much to women. But women are drawn to, or turned off by, our behavior, our energy and how we treat them.”

If you feel you’re lacking in the looks department, it’s not a death sentence to your dating odds — nobody’s perfect, after all. Most women would rather date a guy who’s so-so looking but cleans up well, knows how to take care of himself and is great in bed (all things that you can improve with practice) than a model whose life is in disarray. 

Myth No. 5: Women Want Guys, Period

“I don’t really date men anymore. I’ve had plenty of negative experiences with cis, heterosexual men, but my realization that that wasn’t working for me was more about gaining some clarity about my own desires and wants, not due to man-related burnout or trauma. Though lord knows I do have that.” - Mical, 26

At the end of the day, all these misconceptions stem from another, deeper idea: that women are primarily attracted to stereotypically masculine traits, and that they want a guy who provides, is tough, doesn’t apologize and looks good doing it. 

But more and more women are waking up to the realization that there’s more to life than men who fit the old mold. In some cases, that means women exploring their sexualities and realizing they’d rather date women, or gender non-binary people. In other cases, it means they’d prefer a sensitive man over a macho one, or it’ll be a bit of both. 

“Men have been prescribed rigid roles when it comes to sex and relationships,” says O’Reilly. “They have been told that they can’t be flexible and if they are, they are subject to homophobic and misogynist backlash. As we begin to embrace the fact that gender is fluid, these roles will broaden and hopefully, everyone will be more concerned with identifying their own authentic needs as opposed to doing what they think they should in order to perform gender.”

The moral of the story? It might be time to start thinking about what women want a little differently.

“If we make assumptions along gender lines, we’re inevitably going to strike out because gender stereotypes don’t apply across the board,” adds O’Reilly. “What is attractive to one woman might be a turnoff to another. We need to consider what an individual person wants and not assume that we can predict their needs based on their gender.”

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How to Talk to Women & Communicate Effectively

How to Talk to Women & Communicate Effectively

How to Talk to Women & Communicate Effectively

5 Things to Improve at When It Comes to Communicating With Women

 

It’s an age-old cliché that men and women communicate differently. 

Men often complain that they just don’t understand women; women are frustrated by the same issue. People break off into gender-segregated groups to discuss what a partner or crush said to them. “What do you think he meant by that?” “Dude, she’s so crazy. Can you believe her?” “Ugh, men are such pigs.” “Honestly, who knows how women’s brains work?” 

Of course, there’s nothing innately different about how different genders communicate — some men are more likely to communicate in a female tone, some women are likely to communicate more like a man and some people truly mix and match.

But growing up male or female will mean that you’re socialized in a specific way, trained to prioritize one mode of communication over another, and when it happens enough times to enough people, noticeable trends set in. 

Strictly speaking, there’s nothing wrong with two people (or two groups of people) having different communication styles. But when these differences are great enough and the people are in close enough contact, it can lead to negative outcomes — miscommunication, frustrating, fights, and even ugly breakups

Understanding how to communicate with someone whose communication style differs from yours, then, can have a major impact in your ability to relate to them, to get along with them and can save you both headache and heartache down the road. 

To get to the bottom of this, a dating expert, an author, a relationship therapist and a handful of real women opened up about how men and women communicate differently (and how men can improve at bridging the gap in their relationships with the women in their lives). 

Male Communication vs. Female Communication

“The problem is that men don’t think women are people.” - Genny, 33

So what exactly are the core differences between male and female modes of communication? Frances Metzman, an essayist and author, notes that the changes go “back to early childhood.” 

“Boys are given fire trucks and guns while girls get the tiny, cute tea cups and dolls,” she notes. “Women are taught to be nurturers, while men are single-minded in thinking about a career. The upshot is that fires and war represent strong and virile [things], while teacups don't impact the world. From early childhood, unwritten rules are in place.”

As you might expect, differences in terms of how boys and girls and taught to engage with the world and each other in early childhood produce adults who function very differently. 

“Men and women have very different psychological make-ups,” says NYC-based dating coach Connell Barrett. “It’s been said that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. To stay in the realm of the cosmos, I think men are like Mr. Spock and women are like Captain Kirk. Guys are very logical-minded in how they communicate, while women are much more in touch with their emotions and like to connect on an emotional wavelength.”

Those space-based snapshots might give you a hint about the enormity of the gulf between traditionally male and female forms of communication, but Metzman notes that there are consequences to all this beyond just a couple having a minor argument about what to have for dinner.  

“By and large, men are taught to stifle emotions — not a good thing for good health,” says Metzman. “My supposition is that might be part of the reason women usually live longer than men.”

This isn’t mere conjecture — studies have linked early male mortality to men’s loneliness later in life, and their struggles to form meaningful bonds with people outside of a primary romantic relationship. Being able to communicate well is literally a matter of life and death. So how can you address that? 

“There is much work involved in having meaningful communication that is perhaps somewhat frightening,” adds Metzma. “We have to be constantly aware of these past issues in order to change the present. As a matter of fact, it is in changing how we communicate that contributes mightily to making our relationships work. Not only work well, but filled with joy, humor, support and love — that's lasting.”

What Men Get Wrong About Communicating With Women

“Things men get wrong: Trying to ‘fix’ my problems when I just need to be heard and understood. Dismissing my feelings or experience. An inability to be accountable, they’d rather place all the blame on me. Avoiding communication, period, because it’s too terrifying — therefore just shutting down instead of opening up.” - Daria, 35

If you ask a group of women about what men get wrong about communication, you’ll get a variety of answers. Most women are used to feeling frustrated and confused about men’s communication styles, and they’re very much aware that sometimes, it feels like talking across genders can feel like you’re speaking in two different languages. So what are the issues in play here?

Well, there are two significant issues that produce a lot of the gaps, misunderstandings and frustrations when it comes to male and female communication. 

1. Men Assume Women Communicate the Same Way They Do

The first mistake a lot of guys make is approaching communication the same way regardless of their interlocutor’s gender. Meaning, they assume the way they communicate with other men will function just as well when it comes to talking to women.

That’s not to say that they use the exact same approach, word for word — many guys will consciously self-edit when talking to women, using a less masculine and jocular vocabulary, for instance, with a female coworker than a male one — but that they will still prioritize the same facets of communication.

“Men want to solve problems, and communication is a means to that end — put out the fire, patch the hole, save the kitten,” says Barrett. “Women prioritize exploring and sharing emotions. They see the connected conversation as the goal. For women, emotional communication is an end unto itself.” 

In short, an inability to acknowledge and discuss emotions will put a guy at a disadvantage when it comes to talking to a woman. With blinders on, he’ll miss out on crucially important aspects of the conversation without ever realizing it. 

2. Men Dismiss the Importance of Female Modes of Communication

The second problem is that, while some men are aware that being able to center emotions within a conversation is an option, they don’t consider it viable or important. 

“We all have the same needs,” says Metzman. “Only, men are pushed to repress theirs. We might say men are taught that they are the rational gender because communication means problem-solving and women just chatter emotionally without looking to fix problems. It seems to me that is just an excuse for keeping the status quo, a way for men to not be too intimate as that might make him feel too feminine, something that is taboo in our society.”

In order to genuinely meet a woman at her level, you need to respect that her communication style isn’t less important or less worthwhile than yours — it’s just different. If you can do that, adapting to it and improving at it will come much more easily.

How to Improve at Communicating With Women

“[Men need to start] learning when to take accountability and not blaming, using non-violent communication, actively listening.” - Billie, 32

1. Work on Respecting Her

Before you even get into notions of how to improve at this kind of communication, you need to address the possibility that you might have deep-seated misogynistic attitudes. 

That’s not to say that you’re a chauvinist pig or a sexist monster, but that our society has historically been one where women have less power and are taken less seriously. It’s those attitudes that are transmitted to both men and women in childhood, and can be difficult to unlearn as adults. 

“Before we can have better communication between men and women, we must first eliminate the pervasive, under-the-radar, negative attitudes toward women,” says Metzman. “Not easy to do, but it is a major step to better communication.”

And what does that look like in practice, you ask? 

“A man must be attuned to what his partner says, not press the TV remote while she speaks,” notes Metzman. “If he does give the impression of listening and it's something he can't solve, he must rouse himself to understand that her feelings are meaningful and just as important as his. He has to cut loose the need to control or prove his worth over hers.”

2. Improve at Listening

The first step of communication is listening before you talk. Working on your ability to listen, then, is paramount. This isn’t something that will just happen automatically, but if you’re conscious that you want to improve at listening, you can make it something you truly attempt to work at on a daily basis. 

“Women want men to understand them emotionally, so the first thing you do is listen,” says Barrett. “Just listen. Hold off on offering solutions until she feels heard. Ask empathetic questions. Let her know you understand.” 

Part of that is also wanting to listen. Meaning, you should cultivate your curiosity about how she feels and what she thinks. 

“Focus on exploring,” suggests Jor-El Caraballo, a relationship therapist and co-creator of Viva Wellness. “Ask more questions. Be curious about your partner and their needs. Really taking the time to listen to understand, and not respond, can go an incredibly long way in helping your communication skills.”

3. Fight the Urge to Fix Things

One mistake a lot of guys make when talking to women occurs when a woman is telling a man about a problem she has. If you’re a literal-minded, goal-oriented kind of guy, your first instinct might be to try to figure out a solution to that problem. 

But if that’s what she’s looking for, she would have explicitly framed the conversation as a question like, “Can you help me solve this problem?” If, instead, she’s saying, “I’m having this problem,” it’s likely that she’s looking for something like compassion and support. 

“Men hear things literally, but to better communicate with women, we have to hear things emotionally,” says Barrett. “If your girlfriend is dealing with a work conflict, don’t rush to help her resolve the issue. First, listen and show genuine empathy. Be an ear. As a girlfriend reminded me after a long, stressful day she had studying for the MCATs, ‘Stop trying to help me and just listen.’”

4. Look for Subtext

Unlike men, women are typically taught to couch what they’re saying in subtext. Because saying what you feel outright can be seen as very intense, rude or dominating, women often shy away from it, and that can mean understanding subtext plays a huge role in communicating with women. 

This dynamic is at the heart of a lot of classic male/female conversational misunderstandings and frustration — “the classic example of ‘Does this make me look fat?’” for instance, according to Caraballo. 

“If that happens often, you could respond, ‘Are you really asking me if you look fat or are you looking for a different answer?’” he says. “Odds are, she might want to feel seen and attractive to you in that moment, and you wouldn't necessarily know that without asking the more outright question.”

In short, if you can work on your ability to parse questions that contain a deeper meaning than their specific wording, you can make huge leaps in your ability to connect with women. 

5. Share Problems Without Attacking

When you’re talking about your hurt feelings, it can be easy for a conversation to slip into conflict if your complaints end up sounding too much like an attack. One way to get away from that is to change the way you frame your frustrations. 

“When you communicate with your partner, share problems from the ‘I’ perspective,” says Caraballo. “Instead of saying, ‘You did X’ and ‘Why did you do Y?,’ which breeds defensive behavior, try speaking from the personal ‘I’ and saying, ‘I felt hurt when you did X’ or ‘I felt so frustrated and confused when you did Y.’ This can help reduce misunderstandings and demonstrate patience and compassion rather than your communication feeling like an attack on their character or personhood.”

Not all men communicate the same way, and not all women communicate the same way, but it’s hard to ignore that certain modes of communication end up being gendered more often than not. 

As a man, there’s nothing necessarily wrong with the way you communicate — but being able to understand how women approach communication, and the ways it’s different from the way you’re used to, can save you and the women you’re interacting with a lot of trouble. 

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